Dear Fantasy

Dear Fantasy,

We’ve been thick as thieves since we were kids. I can hardly recall a single day without you.

Remember the crazy stories I’d make up?  During summer time swims in the backyard pool, a towel draped over the diving board made it a cave; fallen magnolia leaves gathered and stacked became currency to buy shiny rocks and imaginary sundries. Remember the characters—the ones who dressed up in mom’s floor length satin nightgowns and were fancy ladies who smoked pencils like cigarettes?

Those really were the best times. I had hoped we’d stay like that forever.

As I got older, things changed. You changed. Suddenly, my life was busy. There was pressure and anxiety. Suddenly my mind was full of make believe scenarios that didn’t make any sense. I remember the first fake argument. It was so bizarre. My mind would churn and churn and it would all swirl around in excruciating detail.  Then the churning would stop, but I’d still be mad. I’d be sitting all alone, upset at a thing that wasn’t even real and wasn’t serving anyone.

I thought we’d make it through, though…especially when I got a job where my imagination was an asset. For a while, things were good. We still had time to play and invent things together, if not at work then after or before. And even though we had time for each other, it just wasn’t enough, and I think we both knew it.

And that’s when it got dark. We turned against each other.  When I look back, I see that I started lying to myself about important things. It was easier than facing the truth, easier than learning to let go.

We’d have our fun, but there were more crazy days than fun ones, and that’s when I knew it was time to reevaluate all of this.

I will always need you in my life, but right now I need something else, too.

This is really hard to say, but I’ve met someone. Her name is Reality. She is clear and centered and just…I don’t know…present.  Since I’ve met her, I’ve felt so much more balanced. When I’m with her, I feel like a grown up.

I hope you’ll be open to the fact that I need to see other people, because I think this could be really good for us.

I will always love you, but as they say in the movies, sometimes love just isn’t enough.

Love,

-Mandy

Dear Opinions

Dear Opinions,

I've been thinking a lot. About us. It's not a secret that we've been struggling. I need to let go of you, and I need you to let go of me. This relationship is just too dysfunctional and twisted to continue any longer. It's eating away at me.

Like some sort of pimp, I offer you up to friends, family and total fucking strangers. I offer you up like a geisha girl. Like a sacrifice to a volcano. I offer you like wine at book club. I offer you like free cheese samples at the damn farmer's market. And what's worse is that no one asked for my free cheese samples, but I force the toothpick into their hands. I don't give them a choice. I don't give you a choice. It's sick, and you deserve better.

And then, as quick as I was to give you away, I'm desperate to know what everyone else has been doing with you. I want to know exactly where you are, who has you, what went down. I can't just mind my own business. I'm like a crazy person.

I think it's best that we end this swiftly and with as little fanfare as possible. 

I'm going to need my key back.

-Mandy

Liberation

We need to break up.

All of us need to break up.

We need to break up with the things that no longer serve us.

Those things might be different for each individual, but what is common is that they represent the BAD SHIT in our lives. 

So that's what this is.  Breaking up with bad shit.

What you'll read here are my break-up letters to the bad shit in my life. I hope that it will make you think and make you laugh and make your remember that we are all far more similar than we are different and that everyone deserves mercy and love.

And the occasional break-up.

Love and light,
-Mandy