Dear Opinions

Dear Opinions,

I've been thinking a lot. About us. It's not a secret that we've been struggling. I need to let go of you, and I need you to let go of me. This relationship is just too dysfunctional and twisted to continue any longer. It's eating away at me.

Like some sort of pimp, I offer you up to friends, family and total fucking strangers. I offer you up like a geisha girl. Like a sacrifice to a volcano. I offer you like wine at book club. I offer you like free cheese samples at the damn farmer's market. And what's worse is that no one asked for my free cheese samples, but I force the toothpick into their hands. I don't give them a choice. I don't give you a choice. It's sick, and you deserve better.

And then, as quick as I was to give you away, I'm desperate to know what everyone else has been doing with you. I want to know exactly where you are, who has you, what went down. I can't just mind my own business. I'm like a crazy person.

I think it's best that we end this swiftly and with as little fanfare as possible. 

I'm going to need my key back.

-Mandy