Dear Fantasy

Dear Fantasy,

We’ve been thick as thieves since we were kids. I can hardly recall a single day without you.

Remember the crazy stories I’d make up?  During summer time swims in the backyard pool, a towel draped over the diving board made it a cave; fallen magnolia leaves gathered and stacked became currency to buy shiny rocks and imaginary sundries. Remember the characters—the ones who dressed up in mom’s floor length satin nightgowns and were fancy ladies who smoked pencils like cigarettes?

Those really were the best times. I had hoped we’d stay like that forever.

As I got older, things changed. You changed. Suddenly, my life was busy. There was pressure and anxiety. Suddenly my mind was full of make believe scenarios that didn’t make any sense. I remember the first fake argument. It was so bizarre. My mind would churn and churn and it would all swirl around in excruciating detail.  Then the churning would stop, but I’d still be mad. I’d be sitting all alone, upset at a thing that wasn’t even real and wasn’t serving anyone.

I thought we’d make it through, though…especially when I got a job where my imagination was an asset. For a while, things were good. We still had time to play and invent things together, if not at work then after or before. And even though we had time for each other, it just wasn’t enough, and I think we both knew it.

And that’s when it got dark. We turned against each other.  When I look back, I see that I started lying to myself about important things. It was easier than facing the truth, easier than learning to let go.

We’d have our fun, but there were more crazy days than fun ones, and that’s when I knew it was time to reevaluate all of this.

I will always need you in my life, but right now I need something else, too.

This is really hard to say, but I’ve met someone. Her name is Reality. She is clear and centered and just…I don’t know…present.  Since I’ve met her, I’ve felt so much more balanced. When I’m with her, I feel like a grown up.

I hope you’ll be open to the fact that I need to see other people, because I think this could be really good for us.

I will always love you, but as they say in the movies, sometimes love just isn’t enough.

Love,

-Mandy